Why Ultra Running is Just Like Sex...

Yeah. I'll bet you wanna know. I've been pondering lately on the similarities between ultra running and sex (Surprise! I'm back!) and with the help of a few friends and some informal brainstorming (which may or may not have included alcohol) I've summed it up here. Not a very meaningful post, but who needs meaningful when you've got entertaining, right? 

WHY ULTRA RUNNING IS JUST LIKE SEX
1. Duh. You have to like getting dirty. I mean REAL dirty.
2. If you start out too hard and too fast you're likely to blow your wad too quickly.
3. Sometimes you do it ALL NIGHT LONG.
4. Calf and foot cramps happen at the most inopportune times.
5. Sometimes it makes your ass hurt...
6. ...and your nipples bleed.
7. There's spandex involved.
8. Form is important.
9. It's often more fun in a group.
10. It's OK to take a break and eat a sandwich.
11. After you're done, you want a beer, a cigarette, a shower, and a nap (not necessarily in that order.)
12. Endurance makes all the difference.
13. You get really sweaty.
14. Your mouth feels dirty halfway through.
15. Mmmmmmm. What's that salty taste?
16. When it's really hot getting wet feels so good.
17. A shower afterward is optional.
18. We suck on nipples. A LOT.
19. Your pacer gets excited when they see you coming.
20. Sometimes it involves a monetary transaction.
21. Often times there are shots involved.
22. One word - Swag.
23. Sometimes your hallucinations look like Ron Jeremy.
24. Repetitive injuries can happen.
25. Lube can be very important.
26. Sometimes you just gotta do it alone.
27. You always end up with melted chocolate.
28. LICKIT!
Did I forget anything? Feel free to contribute. Come on! Lets make it an even 30!
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Comments

  1. Short or long, fast or slow, some is always better than none.

    ReplyDelete
  2. If I ever see Ron Jeremy on the trail, I hope it is a total surprise.. I don't want to see him coming. & #25 should be right after #3 imho..

    #31.1 It is the rookies with all the new and shiny kit.

    ReplyDelete
  3. #32 Sometimes you end up with your face covered in salt.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Awesome! Hahaha re #30 and Ron Jeremy.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Here's my two cents:

    Body parts that are always expanding or contracting.

    ReplyDelete

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