Deflecting Bullets

Remember Wonder Woman? The sexy red boots, golden lasso and wrist shields? She was my hero. I wanted to be just like her. I remember acting out episodes of the T.V. show with my friends where I would do the ballerina twirl transformation. Check out this rad episode. The intro is the best. Not only was Wonder Woman hot, but she could kick some ass. Yeah. I wanted to be just like her. Then, there were Charlie's Angels. Just as bad ass, but multiplied by three. I remember sneaking around the playground wielding my "finger" gun with two hands. I would pick a fight with any boy who was stupid enough to mess with me. And now? If I could be Buffy the Vampire Slayer or any comic book heroette for that matter (is heroette a word?) I would jump at the chance to kick some scary monster ass. Hmmmmm. I just noticed... I said "ass" three times in one paragraph. Hahaaha. Nice.

So where am I going with this? Well, I haven't been running and my workouts have slowed considerably because recently, life has been throwing bullets my way. I'm twirling like wonder woman and deflecting so much I'm getting dizzy. So this post is a bit more personal in nature (um... yeah... I guess I can get like that) so I apologize if it bores you to death or you think I've shared more information on my boobs than you're ready to handle. You can avert your eyes if you need to. Really. I won't be offended.

My very first mammo revealed some abnormalities and I was called back in to have a second look. With no mammography history to look at (and a history of breast cancer in my family), the doctors need to determine what my "normal" is. Hmmmm. I'm thinking "Yeah. Well, my 'normal' tends to be a bit on the freakish side so lets get the smooshing and smashing over and done with." I make the appointment. I show up.

BULLET ONE: Several more mammograms and an ultrasound later, I'm told that things looks suspicious and that to be cautious they want to do a biopsy on BOTH my breasts. Wha?? Seriously? Both? So I left the doctor's office with my future appointment. I was proud of myself for maintaining my composure around people, but I lost it halfway home. I stopped the car to pull myself together. I was suddenly and unexpectedly overwhelmed. After my own private mini pity party I decided I AM NOT going to jump on the worry train until I have information. That was my plan.
STATUS: Bullet one deflected.

BULLET TWO: Our dog decided to take herself for a walk and we thought we had lost her. We found her the next day.
STATUS: Bullet two deflected.

BULLET THREE: I cancelled my plans for skiing (on the BEST powder day of the season!) so I could find my dog (we were all horribly sad we lost her), but I got a call early enough in the morning that my dog was waiting to be picked up at the local vet. A quick text to my girlfriend and I was headed up to finally ski some fresh pow pow. Awwwwwyeah.
STATUS: Bullet three deflected.

So I finally had my biopsy appointment. And then the nurse told me I was scheduled for two appointments that day. Apparently, my left breast had the 1:30 appointment and my right breast had the 2:30. I had no idea that my boobs needed separate appointments. It was going to be a longer day than I had expected, but oh well. Half my day was shot with recovery anyway.

BULLET FOUR:  Apparently, my left boob (as well as the whole freaking left side of my body) is a little uncooperative. After twisting and smashing and trying to get the right angle, the biopsy is a complete flop. Its a total no-go. Apparently there's a large vein going right through the area they want to biopsy and they couldn't use the tools within a safe range to make it work. No biopsy on the left boob. Its been deflected to surgery. Damn. I'm still waiting on this as I write. 
STATUS:  Deflecting in progress.


BULLET FIVE: So I got to watch the needle biopsy of my right breast on ultrasound. VERY COOL STUFF! I was in a good mood for the procedure (like I said... no worry train here until good reason). The nurses and doc were wonderful. Got a call a few days later to tell me the nodule was benign.Whew! One down. One to go.
STATUS: Bullet five deflected.

BULLET SIX: Found a partially numb spot on my forearm and had to see the doctor about this. With all that's been happening I don't want to just let things go. Somehow, I've pinched a nerve (I thought it could be somehow relate to all the mammograms I've had lately with all the compression and smashing going on, but in all honesty it was probably related to the serious push-ups I had done recently). My doctor doesn't seem too concerned (which I guess is good, right?) and seems to think if I stretch my arm it will eventually go away. At least it seems like nothing. Not sure the stretching will fix it though.
STATUS: Bullet six somewhat deflected. 

BULLET SEVEN: I've been hit hard with a crappy cold. Its the sickest I've been in years. I think it might be turning into a sinus infection. Damn. 
STATUS: Currently deflecting.

I could go on for days like this. This is how my life has been lately. Little daily dramas. Heck, at least it keeps life interesting, right? I've been trying to stay "zen" and present with it all. Not being here nor there helps a lot. I'm not optimistic, but I'm not fatalistic with all this possible breast cancer crap. My gut tells me that this will all end up benign and good, but I'm not banking on it. I'm trying to keep a normal, healthy attitude since it also affects my family. If I need attitude, I'll save it for if and when I have to kick some serious cancer ass. Hopefully I won't. But it will be there waiting if I do. So until then, I'll be acting normal... oh! and eating Paleo, STILL, even though my 30 day experiment is up. There's just too much to say so I will have to deflect the review of the diet to my next blog post. STATUS on Paleo: Deflected.
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Comments

  1. Big HUGS to you. I was not as composed last year as you are, Wonder Woman you. I lucked out since my cancer was very early stage. I have a followup mammogram next week and I am NOT looking forward to it.
    I love your attitude. Could learn something from you.

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  2. Ewa- sending healthy vibes your way for your followup. So glad they found it early. That's the blessing of all I'm going through now. They track it. The energy wasted on worrying though can be so toxic. If I'm going to worry I want to worry about something physically confirmed rather than imagined.

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  3. You have a great attitude :) I would be freaking out. I went to the ER for a panic attack two days ago. The pain killers I took for my colitis made me just go over the edge and I really thought I was dying. Panic attacks suck but it opened my eyes to the fact that I am stuffing stress and need to really let go. Anyways, hang in there and I will be thinking of you :)

    Hello to Ewa up there and good luck on your follow up Mammogram!

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  4. Oh NO, Angie! I've never had a panic attack, but have a good friend who has them all the time. They sound so scary. Keep up with your yoga, though, if you're still doing it. I think it could really help with that sort of thing. At the very least the breathing might help you get through one.

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  5. That's far too many bullets. Serenity now. Glad the first biopsy went well, and wishing for more good news. Had 3 needle biopsies (sp?) on my neck/throat last week for a tumor, and found out early this week it is benign. I know the waiting is excruciating. Hang in there. Hope you have a bullet-free weekend.

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  6. Thanks Evo! So glad your waiting is over and that your biopsies amounted to nothing serious. Sounds like you've been deflecting a few of your own bullets lately. :-)

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  7. Keep those bracelets up and keep on spinning and twirling.
    *teacher moment that I can't help myself*
    heroette is not a word, heroine is what you're looking for. I apologize for being a pain in the ass.

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  8. Hang in there, Krista. Sounds like you're deflecting the bullets with wit and grace. My good thoughts are with you.

    Gotta say, though, the bracelets are awesome, and the golden lasso is kinkily cool, but the red boots have to go, oh barefoot runner. ;-)

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  9. Hahaha! You guys crack me up!

    Dirtbag - Hey, I figure if President Bush can make up his own words to make his speeches more "descriptive" then it must be acceptable, right? Heroine sounds so... 1930s, BUT heroette... that's kind of modern, urban and chic street, don't ya think? Totally fits the badass chick profile. ;-)

    Tommy - come on! Those red boots are hot! Who's gonna run in those, anyway? Hahaha. Even Wonder Woman could barely run in them, but she still got the bad guys.

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  10. I enjoyed your video post about your recent workout. Those 200's are really good for developing your speed. The issue with the foot strike is one that I have struggled with in the past too. I almost always run heel-toe except when I'm going uphill or doing sprints, which I do on the balls of my feet. Keep doing those workouts and you'll be kicking tail soon.

    I've been wondering about your tests.I'm happy to hear about the nodule on your right breast was benign. Now hopefully you'll get similar news after your procedure on the left side. You have a good attitude so hang in there. Glad you found your dog in good shape too.

    Those red boots fit you good so keep at it.

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