Finding Chocolate in My Pants - A Body Butter Inspiration

Uh. Whaaa?
So the other day I was changing to get ready to go to the gym and as I was climbing out of my jeans and panties (I like to take both off in one full swoop for efficiency) I found a large chunk of chocolate smeared on my inner right thigh. Real chocolate. Not the metaphorical kind. Trust me. A lot of things go through your mind when you encounter smeared ANYTHING in your pants. But being an ultra runner, (and if you've ever been out on a LONG run without toilet amenities you'll know what I'm talking about here) I was confident in my ability to handle the situation.


Suddenly a whole Question and Answer series scrolled in my head.

Question in my head: Whaaaaa?...
(Honestly, I was confused and having trouble comprehending the whole situation.)
Answer in my head: Dear God, that better be chocolate. (After a little inspection, thankfully it was.)

Q: I don't remember eating chocolate recently. (I realize this isn't a question, but it was in my head.)
A: That looks tasty. (Apparently, I'm quick to get over the shock of a brown smudge in my pants.)

Q: What's the quickest way to clean up this mess? (Again. I'm all about efficiency.)
A: Maybe I can lick it off. It would be tragic to let perfectly good chocolate go to waste.
(Yeah. Maybe I could reach it if I had this dude's skills ...)


  
Q: Wait. How'd chocolate get IN my pants? (There were smeared bits everywhere.)
A: Or the bigger question could be: How'd it get in my panties? (Cuz it was in there too.) (I realize I answered this question with a question, but things are often confusing in my head when faced with a crisis - especially when you find that crisis in your panties.)

Q: Is this my chocolate, or could it be someone else's chocolate? (Oh jeez. The horror.)
A: What would someone else's chocolate be doing in my pants?! (I don't wanna know.)

Q: ???
A: ?

Q: Look for caramel!! (Again. Not a question, but a good point.)
A: Yes Sherlock. The caramel would give it away. If there's a trace of caramel then I KNOW it's MY chocolate and not someone else's. (Cuz it's plausible that it could be the chocolate elves' chocolate. You know - those naughty elves who are highly adept at sneaking non-caramel fairie chocolate into obscure crevices on my body.)

Q: If I find caramel, I'm definitely licking that shit up. That shit shouldn't be wasted. (I realize that the word "shit" is probably not a good choice here.)
A: Oooooooh caramel! (Now I'm bending over inspecting the insides of my legs for tasty morsels.)

Q: DamnNo caramel. I wonder if there's more in the fridge?
A: I should just whip up another batch. (I'm easily distracted by thoughts of baking scrumptious desserts.)

Q: Hmmmm. Look at that - I really need to shave my legs. (I'm also easily distracted by my poor excuse for bodily hygiene.)
A: The texture of leg hair and chocolate could be a less-than-interesting combo. (You think?)

Q: You know... if I added a little shea butter to the chocolate, poured in a small amount of almond or avacado oil, and maybe added some vanilla essential oil, this could make a damn good body butter.
A: YOU. ARE. BRILLIANT. (OK. Cuz I am.)

BOOM. And that's how chocolate in my pants became inspiration for a new homemade body butter recipe which I will be experimenting with soon. It will be so good, you will want to lick yourself. I might just share the recipe. But, be sure to shave your legs first.

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Comments

  1. BEST. BLOG. POST. EVER. That was damn funny....

    ReplyDelete
  2. So the question that remains unanswered is, where did the chocolate come from!! (Once you discount the Chocolate Elves of course...)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Haha! Randy... pretty sure that was the morning I made fudge and "tested" a bite of my batch while I was getting dressed a few hours earlier. Lol. Pretty sure that was MY chocolate.

      Delete

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