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Showing posts from August, 2013

Purveyors of Pain - Gettin My Shit Worked Out

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I had never met this man in my life. He was an older gentleman with a quiet voice and happy eyes. A very paternal figure with a comforting presence. I had no idea how much pain he was about to inflict on me. 

I was naked and lying on the table staring at the vintage PBR mural on the wall, draped in tension, exposed and vulnerable and before I knew it I was screaming obscenities. Really. And it was LOUD. And HOLY CRAP it was painful. 

Dude was digging fists, knuckles and elbows into my body like it was a fucking martial art. He mashed areas of my body no masseur would ever dare to touch. He started with my glutes, crushing his entire body weight into my ass cheek with his fist. Then when he found the knot - OH HOLY FUCK!!!! Here we go... 

...the knot moved off his knuckle but he catches it with his fist until he has it pinned and then...

"OH GOD!!! OH GOD!!!! FUUUUUUUUUCK!!! OH FUCKING HELL MAKE IT STOP!! FUUUUUUUUCK!!!!"

Yeah. I was writhing in pain, screaming loudly, starting to…

HooRag Yo!

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Fuck all the flim flam and lets get down to bizness...
CONGRATULATIONS Trail Mama and Dolphyngyrl!!! You won the last of my HooRags!!

Email me your address so I can ship these to you.




Time for Another Hoorag Giveaway!

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This giveaway closed 8.13.13
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Alrighty then... are you ready for another giveaway?

The Buff. Also otherwise known as a Hoorag. On occasion it's found as a swag freebie in our race bags. Most runners have no clue what to do with this random piece of fabric.


Wear it on your head?
Yup.

Wear it around your neck?
 That too.


Wear it as a totally inappropriate hoochie dress? 

Um. Maybe not such a good idea. One word. Chafing. Besides, unless you happen to earn a living wearing clothing that barely covers your love taco I would suggest you use it in less extreme ways. But come to think of it... paired with some killer thigh high, patent leather boots I'm sure it makes a pretty sassy accessory for prostitutes.
But, I happen to wear my buff mostly around my waist like this...
I use it to carry my phone, keys, small flashlights, sunglasses, peanut butter sandwiches, handi-wipes or whatever I happen to need on the trail at any given time. People are always s…