Is Self Doubt Self Fullfilling Prophecy?
|Birthday bar drama could have been worse.|
Even with this event-filled holiday break, I've managed to get in some workovers. In fact, yesterday I was able to squeeze in a mid-day workover and barefoot run to the gym. Woohoo! Its been nice to shirk a few chores during the holiday break, but its been hard to find time to get in a ride/run with the kids home.
So due to some unfortunate events I lost my phone on the Friday night prior to Christmas. I ended up in the cabbie permit office last Tuesday trying to find some sort of general "lost and found" where my phone may have miraculously turned up. But there was no lost and found (go figure) and consequently no "finding" happening. The result: a post holiday phone shopping excursion to Best Buy.
Luckily, I was able to pick up a decent Android phone for a killer price that is compatible with my old plan. Yay! Adding all my contacts back in has been a bitch, though. I'm having to reluctantly dig through old emails and facebook conversations to retrieve all my old contacts.
In doing so, I came across a few conversations that were really interesting to read again. I think I wasted more time reading old stuff than gathering data that I'd lost. One of the conversations I came across was a particularly interesting email Seth had sent me back in February or March of 2011. I'm not even sure where the original post was from, but he included a quote from powerlifter Matt Kroczaleski. Apparently, Seth felt that this was just as applicable to me and the injuries that have pretty much defined me as a runner.
"We all face adversity at one time or another, and for some it will come more often and be more difficult than for others.
It may present itself as injuries, professional or family commitments, opposition from someone in our lives, or even our own self doubt and weakness. Regardless of the form it takes, you must be able to overcome adversity and do so in convincing fashion.
I've witnessed many top powerlifters suffer major injuries that instantly ended their careers – tendons ripped off bones, muscles torn apart, and bones fractured. But for every athlete that's fallen from a particular injury, I know of others with the same injury that have returned to or exceeded their prior form.
It wasn't the severity of the injury that determined if it was career ending, rather it was the inability of the person to cope with it psychologically. For some, major injuries are seen as devastating and career ending. Psychically damaged lifters aren't able to overcome the fear of suffering the same or similar injuries ever again.
Yet others see any injury, no matter how severe, as just a small bump in the road on their way to success. It's this ability to overcome adversity that often separates the great from the good and the very best from the rest of the elite."
-Matt KrocReading this now, close to a year later, it has really left a mark on me. Something important that I've learned along the way has been how self doubt can slowly, over time, creep in and manifest itself physically.
For years I've defined myself as a habitually injured runner. I was convinced that certain goals were unattainable for me. I didn't so much give up on running as accept my destiny to only be able to run short two-milers at a snail's pace pain-free. The only times I remember actively "giving up running" was during two pregnancies, but I expected and accepted that running would always be a limited endeavor despite my desire to run further and longer without pain.
Looking back now, I wonder if my thinking was partly perpetuating my injured runner status. I honestly feared running far or long.
Our psyche is powerful. If we can't cope, have fear, or self-doubt it can seriously effect the way we perform. I believe this whole-heartedly.
That being said, I don't believe all my messed up body issues were completely manifested by my limited thinking but I do believe the self doubt I harbored kept me from finding ways to fix them. And when barefoot running reignited a passion reserved only for the "younger me" it cracked the heavy door of doubt just enough to let possibility in. It was a domino effect from there. It changed me.
For worse or for better, I don't know. Running is back to being a living, breathing passion for me once again, much to the annoyance of some family and friends who probably question my sanity. It has simultaneously fueled my creative side, inspired a new form of training, and spilled over into the blogosphere where I'm sure some people thought I was nuts to fly off to New York to run barefoot and hang out with a bunch of people I had never met.
Yeah. I know people who would say I'm being consumed by these passions. Fuck them. If there's one thing I've learned in my lifetime its that you cannot ignore your fiyah. You cannot suppress your all important mojo. It will reinvent itself in one form or another. It will bubble up to the surface and scream at you to pay attention. You need to give it respect. Its what makes you YOU.
But you need balance. Yeah. I'm working on that.
This is why I wasn't the one discussing balancing life, work, and running recently on Merrell's Womenalism Chat and Happy Hour. I will, however, be discussing my transition from big ol' fat uber motion controls and how running barefoot and minimal has benefited me. That is, if you care. Oh and by the way, the schedule has changed slightly. I was due to have my discussion on Dec 29 at 7pm EST (that's today actually), but my Happy Hour discussion has been rescheduled due to the holidays.
I will be hanging out in real time on Merrell's facebook page on Thursday, January 12, 2012 at 7pm EST (that's 4pm for us west coasters. Perfect happy hour timing while the drinks are half price!) So if you have any burning questions you want to ask me feel free to ask away. I make no promises but will try to keep things clean and limit my profanity. Ha!
These have been really great discussions with a LOT of public forum participation. Much like a normal happy hour, I've had a hard time keeping up with the conversation with all the chatter. Normally that's the result of being distracted by a side of pulled pork sliders and a couple of "Backporch Lemonades," but in this case its just because the conversations are pretty popular and everybody's posting chit chat all at once. I hit the refresh button on my browser and I've missed about six different posts.
Nonetheless, these virtual happy hours are a lot of fun so I hope you guys get to join in at some point. Kate Kift is up next on January 5th from 1-2pm EST. Girl knows how to get her happy on when it comes to happy hour!
Maybe we'll get to chat. ;-)
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