This is the (sometimes irreverent) flim flam of an ultra runner, adventurer, artist, single mom, and heavy lifter who has decided to embrace alternative life solutions to stay sane, have fun, and maintain balance in life.
You can't stop me
Fi-yah in Auburn CA.
I jacked up my calf again last night, dancing. Seriously. Does this thing not go away? And the hoola-hooping did not help my hips either. I haven't hoola-hooped since I was a kid. Lately, any time I decide to let my hair down and truly enjoy myself, that wretched knot monster gets in the way. I'm rolling my calf muscles and quads daily in hopes that I can return to barefooting sans the monster. In the meantime, I can't help myself. If I can't run, I will dance. And if there's a hoola hoop, I will pick it up. You can't stop me. I'm on fi-yah! (at least for as long as my body holds out.) . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Drink all day. Play all night. I'm in Miami bitch! OK. So that may be a wee bit of an exaggeration cuz really I'm in Rocklin which is like 20 degrees hotter and about half the humidity. It may be a fucking inferno during the Summer but its a "dry heat" which should not be confused with a "dry heave" or a "dry hump" even though those two descriptions are pretty accurate for the Sacramento Valley in July. The Summer heat here is likely to make you want to hurl if you're running eleven miles of dusty, rocky canyon trails especially when you have to call your friend to come pick you up because you drank too much the night before partying it up with the neighbors and pretty much woke up still drunk, can't drive your own ass and need a ride to the trailhead. Yeah. I did that. My friend Matt was really cool about it even though picking up my drunk ass made him late to the group run HE organized. I felt kinda bad.
Yes. That's a vagina poster. Probably not something you would be willing to frame and showcase under gallery lighting in your home, but it has an irreverent beauty to it. Don't you think?
Speaking of vaginal beauty, I know this little bit of advice might come across as slightly unothodox and a little unfavorable to most women, but I'm just going to put this out there:
Ladies... embrace the camel toe.
It happens. Especially while running or at the gym. Everybody knows it happens. It happens to all of us at some point and for me it happens almost all the time – even in the most comfiest of gymwear.
If you're in the middle of a circuit that includes running or anything like mountain climbers, groiners, jumping jacks, box step-ups, lunges, squats or basically any movement that requires you to separate your legs I guarantee that at some point you will feel an uncontrollable desire to yank your pants out of your crotch crack. And as if that deep floss feeling isn't uncomfo…
Now that we got that out of the way... is anyone else hungry? I swear some of these euphemisms for vagina make me crave food. Is that wrong?
Guys, you might want to get the hell out of dodge for this post cuz I'm going to be talking about my vagina. A LOT. And its not going to be in the "oh my pink pearl is so pretty" kind of way. No. This post is more of a "my axe gash is bleeding like a stuck pig" today. Yeah. Consider yourself warned. Its going to be another one of "those" posts, and since its a review of a very useful feminine product I'm not sure you'd wanna stick around for that anyway. But, if you decide to stay and read (for your "wife" or "girlfriend") you have my deepest respect for braving all my girl shit. I will definitely be impr…
(I would put another warning on here, but I'm tired of reminding my readers that my blog can be offensive, somewhat provocative and downright disrespectful at times. If you haven't figured that out yet then apparently you need to keep reading to confirm. *grin*)
Consider yourself warned.
I will admit to having a serious admiration for the female form. In fact, I would say that I probably appreciate women's bodies almost as much as heterosexual men do. I whole-heartedly acknowledge this and will even point out the nice booties at my trail runs to my guy friends. I've never had a guy disagree with me.
Don't get me wrong. I happen to love, LOVE, L-O-V-E men. (I'm married to one in fact.)
I have no idea what those hip/ab muscles are called on men either but I have to wipe the drool from my mouth whenever a well-carved example of it walks past me. <----------
But the boys deserve a little more attention before I get carried away with my favorite female b…
Just a warning. This blog post may not be suitable for younger viewers. Now that I said that, I'm pretty sure that if you're young (and especially male) you will probably keep reading because we all know that the "warning" is really just an opportunity for the young and impressionable to do what they do best - defy the rules. So if you're an innocent minor and you happen upon this particular blog post, don't come whining to me that I didn't warn you cuz I just did.
Now that that's out of the way, I have recently been intrigued by something I came across in some of the online running forums. There was a recent post in one of the forums by a young woman who happened to be having multiple orgasms while running on a treadmill. Now, you can imagine my interest! I'm all... hell yeah! I gotta google this shit out!! I was highly skeptical of course. It was cross-posted by a guy and it seriously didn't seem possible.